Clayton’s Catastrophic Column: RIP my patella

More from Clayton's Catastrophic Column

I have long prided myself on my lack of injuries that I have sustained in my life. Up until last week, I could really only think of two instances in which I injured myself bad enough to leave a lasting memory.

The first, many years ago when I jammed my right ring finger while playing football in sophomore Jake Campbell’s backyard, which is why my first knuckle is now a little bigger than the others. The second, in seventh grade while I attended senior Adam Segura’s birthday party at Great Wolf Lodge, and whilst running across a bridge I slammed my head into a pole and require four stitches in my forehead. Both these instances were less than enjoyable, but did not compare to the events of Tuesday, April 7.

With the performances of the spring play nearing closer, it was finally time to take cast pictures for placement in the programs. Afterwards, director Jon Copeland kept a couple cast members so we could work out the final moves of a dance we had been choreographing for a couple weeks. While dancing the tango with senior Kaia Minter, I turned oddly on my right knee, dislocating my patella, also known as my kneecap.

My original thought was, “Wow, who kicked my legs out from under me? That’s not cool.” However, after seeing my knee halfway through my fall to the ground, I noticed that my kneecap seemed to be on the outer side of my leg, not where it usually is.

According to bystanders, my face turned white as a ghost and it was pretty gross. Luckily, junior Claire Biles has also experienced a dislocated patella, and knew exactly what to do. She was quick to coordinate water, pillows, phone calls and anything else that I needed until the paramedics arrived.

To spare you any of the gory details, basically what went down was lots of pain meds, then they popped my kneecap back into place. It was surprisingly simple and after the popping back into place was done, the pain went from a solid 8 to another solid 2. Overall, it was an interesting experience, however the fact that I now have to wear an immobilizer for another five days is less than enjoyable.

By far the worst part, however, is that senior Katherine White and I were scheduled to go see a one-night-only showing of “Interstellar,” that was coupled with a special behind-the-scenes special. We already bought the tickets, but sadly the dislocation occurred right at the time when we were supposed to leave to make the movie, and we were not able to attend.

So, if any of you ever consider participating in an activity that has high risk for patellar dislocation, I would not recommend it at all. Large amounts of pain coupled with annoying leg braces easily make for a 0/10 experience. Sorry, patella. That is all.

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