Clayton’s Catastrophic Column: Catastrophic academia

More from Clayton's Catastrophic Column

With my second-to-last finals week fast approaching, I have found myself looking back on my previous six sets of finals that I have endured. I recall freshman year when my finals were either completely project-based or incredibly easy, but it seems that none of my teachers are taking such pity on me this year, and next week is going to be an interesting one. Luckily, I don’t really have any finals to worry about outside of my four core classes, except maybe that Blue Band final that band director Debby Steiner just assigned to us, it’s quite difficult. Nevertheless, hopefully I’ll make it out of next week alive, though I probably won’t on account of AP Calculus.

So, in order to distract you from you academia for maybe just a couple minutes, I’m now going to take you on a journey through some of my worst experiences with projects, homework, finals, etc. throughout my four years here.

Before that, however, I would like to give a quick shout out to AP Literature teacher Justin Bogart, because I ask him if he’s read my blog yet every single class period, and everyday the answer is “Nope.” He doesn’t know what he’s missing.

Now, I would like to take you back to my sophomore year in Pre-AP English 10 teacher Dorothy Swafford’s class. It was in that classroom that I finally began to hone my writing skills, but it is also the place where one of the world’s greatest cinematic masterpieces was produced. Actually, now that I just typed that, I have to admit that this was really one of the worst things that has ever happened on this planet, ever. Before I show you the video that I’m talking about, however, I’m going to describe it, then I’ll put in the link so you can watch it over and over again, because I know you’ll want to.

The filming, recording and editing of this video took six hours. It was a collaboration between me and seniors Mikaela McCabe and Eric Marquardt. We received a B+ on this assignment. It currently has 216 views on YouTube. We thought it was really funny when we were making it, but presenting it to our entire class was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

Here it is.

Now that you’ve watched it (hopefully), there must be one question roaming through your mind. How did that possibly receive a B+? I know, I wondered the same thing, because it was obviously deserving of an A+.

Continuing on the topic of videos that I made in my sophomore English class, my 4th quarter book project over Nicholas Sparks’ “The Wedding” has over 4,300 views for some reason that is beyond me. Sometimes I’ll get emails telling me that people comment on that video, and I have no idea why. Why are people watching this video? Is it entertaining to them? Apparently.

Some of my fondest memories of high school are the nights when I’m forced to stay up into the wee hours of the morning to finish a homework assignment or project. Nothing fills my heart with joy more than the feeling I get at three in the morning when I feel as if the entire world is crashing into me, and also I get really hungry. One such instance was just a couple weeks ago when I had to complete six AP Government study guides in one night, which all together consisted of 138 vocabulary terms to define, and 31 short answer questions to complete. I don’t recall the exact amount of time that it took me to complete the entirety of those study guides, but I do distinctly remember coming to school the next day in a sort of haze due to my cranial exhaustion and overall sleep deprivation. The moral of this story is never procrastinate your AP Government study guides, because they are no joke. Don’t do it.

Now that you’ve benefited from my misery, it’s now time to go back to the sad world that is finals week. I wish you all the best of luck on all your final exams, and make sure to take care of yourselves. Your mental health is more important that any grade you get on a test.

Finally, before I conclude, I’ve got an exciting announcement. Next semester I will be joining the staff of the JagWire full time, so not only will you be able to read my blogs every week, you’ll also get to see some columns written by me in the paper, and maybe see some of my pictures sprinkled throughout the website every now and then.

That is all.


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